I am so happy that Friday is here, but even happier that I finally have slept though the night in over a week. I am still very tired. I look like I haven’t slept at all in days. How appropriate. I plan on going out tonight for girl’s night out. All of us go, but Jennifer, Melanie’s sister. We go to the Local and to Zelo for cocktails. We have a great time as usual.
Thursday, January 30, 2003
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
I finally, in a state of complete exhaustion, fall sleep at 4:30a.m. I am so, so tired. I’m starting to hallucinate. I decide to call Dr. Francis’ office for something to help me sleep. Dr. Francis is on vacation, but another doctor in the office prescribes me Ambien to sleep. I notice that I have a dime-sized portion of my right hand with feeling. My vision continues to improve.
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Monday, January 27, 2003
Sunday, January 26, 2003
Saturday, January 25, 2003
Friday, January 24, 2003
I go to my vision test appointment. I sit down and they stick electrodes with glue to my head. I look like a Martian. I joke with the technician that I hear radio from London through my head. She makes me stare at a screen with a red dot in the middle one eye at a time. It has black and white boxes that change patterns and check my responses from my brain. I finish and she wipes the glue from my head. I go back to work and finish the day. I feel really good today and not so tired. Again it’s Friday, so I go out. I have a great time and once again after bar and stay out with Melanie. I don't know where I find the energy, but it seems to once again drown my worries and the obvious situation.
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Monday, January 20, 2003
Today is my spinal tap. I go to work today around 9:00a.m and am very, very nervous. I head to my procedure with mom. I find out I have to have more blood drawn before the tap. I am so pissed off. Nobody told me about the blood draw stuff. I am about ready to spit needles. I hate them and have been poked enough. The neo-nazi needle nurse stabs me abruptly. I take every last ounce of calm I have left to keep from punching her and my mom reads me like a book knowing I could have snapped at any moment at her. The nice stab she gave me later bruises quite nicely for the next 2 weeks along with the IV bruises from the IV line. I look fantastic. Almost like someone beat the hell out of me. I go to the tap procedure room. I lie there and try to get comfortable. My back spasms and I can’t get comfortable. My mom is there and she calms me. I cry silently. I don’t want to do this. The doctor starts with the cleaning and then the Novocain shot. It stings and it pinches and then it really burns. I hate needles. UGH! My butt and legs go suddenly cold. IT feels like someone is poured ice water down the crack of my rear. The doctor tells me I will feel some pressure. It feels like a dull backache. It’s uncomfortable, but not excruciating or anything. He lets the fluid drip while the table I am on is tipped at a 45-degree angle head up. He says the worst is over and we chat. He asks me of my employment and my family and my diagnosis and recent and past tests. He takes 8cc’s of spinal fluid and tells me about the spine, its fluid, its color and the purpose of the fluid and what you can tell from a spinal tap. He notes my curiosity and he shows me the vial of fluid. It’s clear and acts like water. He finishes about 20 minutes later and I roll over face up to a recovery table and wait an hour for good measure and drink some juice and eat some food. Mom brings me a turkey sandwich and I inhale it. She tells me I should have showed my butt to the cute doctor walking by to ease me up a bit. I finally start to find the situation funny. She makes me laugh again by telling me I am lucky that my father isn’t there to play with anything and everything. She notes specifically the up/down button on the recovery bed for my sake. I wait an hour, get dressed and go home. The drive home is a little uncomfortable, kind of like someone drop kicked me in the kidneys. Mom and I order pizza hut, start a fire and I lie down on the couch and rest in the living room. Melanie picks up my Neurontin prescription that Dr. Francis calls in for me. I eventually fall asleep and rest. I sleep fairly early tonight (10:00pm).
Mom and I pick up my prescription and take it easy throughout the day. I start my oral steroids and have a spinal tap scheduled for tomorrow. I am dreadfully nervous. The Neurontin is out. The samples lasted through Saturday afternoon. I make a mental note to call Dr. Francis tomorrow while I am at it, as my hands are starting to hurt very badly again.
Sunday, January 19, 2003
Mom and I go to Mankato, eat Chinese buffet with my sister Lacey and I feel pretty good, just tired. We drive back and I start my IV treatment. I fall asleep half way through. I am so exhausted. I finish the last IV treatment and go to sleep. I sleep until 1pm.
Friday, January 17, 2003
I go to work at 1:30p.m. to set up Citrix, a remote email server, to work from home. Our work IT guy shows up at 3:50 p.m. He sets my computer up and I finally leave work at 5:30 p.m. I go driving and clear my head. I talk to my friend Michael and stare at the city skyline for an hour and a half blankly. It’s Friday, and the girls are coming over before we go out for girl’s night out. I start my IV drip at 7:00pm. After much procrastination and dread that the IV needs to be redone again, it finally all goes well for the first time. I start the drip and I start to get ready. Jen can’t look at me while she is over and I don’t blame her. I say nothing to them about the IV etc. and I tell them to just go ahead at 9pm for downtown and I will follow when I am done. I tell them to put their mind at ease so they don’t have to see me all goofy with wires and IV everywhere. I finish with no problems, flush my IV and finish getting ready. I am so wired. I go down town with the girls and have a great time. I’m not supposed to drink, but I do anyway. I can’t stand being so up. I fell like I am on drugs. I am shaking terribly and go for a drink to bring me down. I lay off the drinks after 3 and call it enough. Michael sends a limousine for us and picks us all up. We stay out all night, after bar, and Mel and I come home Saturday morning. I don't really have the energy for it, but I don't care.
Thursday, January 16, 2003
Wednesday, January 15, 2003
A nurse named Jessica comes to my house. Courier delivered all the supplies earlier today. She shows me the ropes of how to clean and start my IV drips and she inserts an IV catheter. Did I mention I love needles? It doesn’t go in. Imagine that. I think God is trying to get back at me for something. She stabs my right arm and finally it goes. She finally does the two-hour drip and all goes well. No reactions, but after I am wired. Really wired! I talk to my dad on the phone after I am done. He later tells me two days later he couldn’t understand a word I said to him the entire time we talked. I sleep finally at 4am.
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
My father and Nina leave this morning, still joking about the incident from the night before, and my mom is on her way to see me and to go to my appointment tomorrow. My mother is driving when Dr. Francis’s office calls and asks to reschedule for an appt. today at 12:45p.m.this afternoon instead. It is 10:00am now and I move the appt. to 12:45pm and call my mother to tell her. She asks if I want to wait for her. I tell her that I’ll be all right and will call her when I am done. I go to the appt. before she gets there only because I don’t know if I can keep from breaking down in front of her. Dr. Francis shows me the imaging films from the neck and spine MRI. There are lesions on both consistent with MS and she believes this to be the cause. She lets me digest this. Again my eyes fill with tears and flow down my face. I am so shocked I am not even crying, tearing rather. She explains that I am in the middle of an acute attack. She says she would like to start a steroid treatment of 4 days by IV at home and a 6-day oral steroid follow up. I schedule an appt. for tomorrow the 15th to come in with my mother again and talk. I leave to go and I set up the IV treatment with Jennifer the admin before I leave. I am in shock again. I schedule the therapy to start on Wednesday, the 15th.
Sunday, January 12, 2003
I go out with my friend Michael to talk. In the meantime my dad and his girlfriend try to burn down my apartment. Well, maybe not so much, but when they tried to start a fire in the fireplace, the damper didn’t suck up the smoke and ended up filling the apartment and the hallway, setting off the alarm. The fire department was called, and so was I by two panicking people in the middle of dinner at Morton’s. It ended up being just a bit of smoke and the fire department left shortly after. It helped bring a little humor to the next few days and take my mind off things. I start to think that maybe God has a sense of humor through all of this after all.
Saturday, January 11, 2003
Friday, January 10, 2003
Thursday, January 09, 2003
I see Dr. Francis for the first time. She is a darker, foreign lady. I can’t quite pinpoint her accent, but I don’t ask where she is from. She is very calm and has a great presence about her. She talks with me briefly in her office and then tells me to come into the exam room and change into a really hot pair of medical shorts. She tests my walking, my senses, and scrapes my feet, hands, and arms with a broken swab end for feeling. She asks me to get dressed and come to her office for more discussion. She tells me it could be one of three possibilities. 1. A reaction to something I have eaten, etc., but she has ruled this out. 2. A viral inflammation or immuno inflammation such as lupus, lyme disease, or even possibly diabetes. 3. Multiple sclerosis. She talks briefly about the first two and lingers on the last for around 10 or so minutes. My eyes fill with tears. She is sending me to the lab for blood work to rule out the lupus, lyme or diabetes. She also schedules an MRI for my neck and spine with contrast imaging for tomorrow at 11:15 a.m. I go to the lobby and sit and wait for the admin Jennifer to call me. I stare into space already knowing my diagnosis before it has come. I call no one. My phone rings twice and I don’t answer. I wait and she gives me my paper work and sends me down a level to the lab. They draw 10 tubes of blood and I can’t think of anything, at the moment except how much I hate needles. Other than that my mind is blank. Dr. Francis had given me some samples of Neurontin, which I forget when I left her office, so I go back a level to retrieve them. She says they will stop the tingling and pain in my fingertips so it doesn’t hurt to touch things, most of all to wash my hair, but it won’t help the numbness or make it go away.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Monday, January 06, 2003
It now hurts to put clothes on. It hurts to wash my hair. I cry when I do either and I dread having to do both in the morning. I have tripped up the stairs a number of times and fallen down the stairs twice and landed on my rear both times luckily. My hands are completely numb. I can’t feel anything. I call the neurologist and explain my situation. I ask if there is anything they can do. They call back 10 minutes later and have an MRI (brain scan without contrast) scheduled for 7am tomorrow. Again, my sense of something is wrong kicks into overdrive.
Saturday, January 04, 2003
Friday, January 03, 2003
The girls (my friends Jen, Tam, Mel, and Meg) are all together and it’s the birth of Girl’s night out. It’s a long, long, long night as we bond and get to know each other a little better. Again, a much needed break for my worrying. I try not to, but we're just not built without worry in the womb.