December 31st, 2002

My friend Meghan drives down from South Dakota and she meets Jen and I at Fima’s in St. Paul. We have dinner and head to Palomino to meet Tammy and her friends for drinks, free champagne and strawberries and a whole lot of fun. We end up at the Local, as usual, ringing in the New Year all together. It takes my mind of the obvious things that aren't quite in the realm of normal in my body.

December 30th, 2002

I make an appointment to see Dr. T at 3:20p.m.

December 29th, 2002

I get up late today around 1p.m. I am so tired. I procrastinate. I’m starting to get worried. It’s the feeling you have when you know something is definitely wrong and you just don’t have an urge to know what. I go at around 3pm finally. The doctor finds nothing. He tells me to go see Dr. T, my regular physician.

December 28th, 2002

I am home today and my gut tells me something is really wrong. I still have a lot of the same symptoms, but washing my hair hurts and my arms and legs are so sensitive to the touch. It feels like they are asleep with pins and needles feeling. I plan on going to urgent care tomorrow.

December 26, 27 & 28th, 2002

The rest of the week the symptoms worsen and sneak unto me slowly and I decide to go home on not Sunday, but Saturday. I am right now in South Dakota with my parents, and feel it's best if I get back to Minneapolis as soon as possible.

December 24th, 2002

Christmas Eve-what a day to remember. I remember having way too much fun with friends the night before. I remember waking up with my socks, sweats, t-shirt and Columbia sweat jacket. I remember I was cold when I went to bed. I first notice that my feet feel a little tingly. My socks must have been tight around my ankles. I take them off. Sure enough, there are rings from poor circulation. I think nothing else of it. I go about the morning wondering why my feet don’t wake up. I take a shower. As I wash my hair, I realize my fingertips are numb. I think maybe I have partied way too hard since I have been home; maybe I need a lot of water and some more sleep.

Preface...

I’ve always been an optimistic person ever since I hit rock bottom in May of 1996. I swore I would never let anything get the best of who I was as a person and I still don’t. I ultimately try to look for the good in every situation. There is a time in everyone’s life at some point that they think they are invincible and on top of the world. No one can touch them, no one can keep them down, and they love everything in their life, until something on a grander scale changes them. It happened to me.

At the time, I was recently divorced (July), had just sold my house (September) and moved into my new apartment with my dog, Neige (October). I was enjoying my single life and my newfound self once again. I was spending a great deal of time with my friends and most recently, Thanksgiving with my family.

It was the best family get together that I had ever encountered. It seemed as if grudges, once so long and futile, had disappeared. It was the first time in my life that everyone supported and appreciated each other, cared deeply about how or what each other was doing, and most of all were just comfortable around one another even though we are all very different people.

Lucky for me, the calm showed up at just the right junction in my life...